April 22, 2015 Updated: April 23, 2015, 10:10 am
1from16You won’t find a lot of people who love their local DMV, but you will find a lot of people who want to bury them in the ground. We scoured Yelp for the funniest reviews on all of the Texas Department of Public Safety’s facilities. Keep clicking for some reasonable giggle.
Source: Yelp
Megan Farmer / The Chronicle
2from16Place:
Public Safety Department – Sharpstown
Funniest Review: “There’s no reason anyone should stand in line at 4:30 am to get a driving test. Wait for Black Friends this early for $ 10.00 19-inch color TV at Wal Mart. … maybe … license? Oh damn it … Then, to make the injury worse, I roll to the test at 10am, explain my ordeal to the instructor, who then lets me park in parallel, and says that is it, you’re done. 3 minute test. “
Google Maps
3from16Place:
Public Safety Department – Meadowbrook / Allendale
Funniest Review: “On my left a grown man (with a golden grill) was playing an annoying cell phone game at high volume. It must have been a bubble popping game … Something even more insane happened to my right. A. Lady was on Phone and argued with the electric company about their bill, but here’s the crazy part: your cell was on speakerphone! “
Google Maps
4thfrom16Place:
Houston Department of Public Safety – Lazy Brook / Timbergrove
Funniest Review: “Oh yeah, you all felt your blood boil at some point in your life when something like this happened to you. I went back and waited in line and of course I now have a photo that looks like a cup Shot by Nick Nolte because I was so amazed by the experience. “
Google Maps
5from16Place:
Texas Department of Public Safety – Houston
Funniest Review: “Take a number, wait, wait … wait … scratch your head, wait … curse your battery on your fully charged phone because you had to talk ….. wait more …… go to the desk with the condescending clerk who is there because she knows you need her, not the other way around, fill out some more paperwork. .. …….. wait., …. wait …….. finally get out there and burn rubber. Why can’t these people here be nice or have a little apathy? Oh yes, you need them, they don’t need you, I have. “
Google Maps
6from16Place:
Texas DPS – South Belt / Ellington
Funniest Review: “That’s where I found someone more interested in texting their phone and making personal calls while trying to get my driver’s license. Yeah, literally while I’m at the counter, she did messed up my DL because it was her texting and then calling someone because he’s at her home to be picked up. Really? You couldn’t wait for a break or between customers. I know it’s the DPS is, but you still get paid to provide service. “
Google Maps
7thfrom16Place:
Public Safety Department – Houston Townhurst
Funniest Review: “Having the local sheriff with you just adds to the hilarity. The one in the office I went to reminded me of Sheriff Rosco Purvis Coltrane. He had such an odd way of stroking his holster while he was’ git back in line managed “commands to the many non-English speaking applicants who stumbled upon finding out which line they should be on and where the end was. To see these poor plebs try to understand the barking instructions of the excited employees. “Fill out the form xytweeentytooo Zee thun bring it back ‘was pathetic. If Dante’s Inferno had a social equivalent it would be. Divine Comedy in indeed. “
Google Maps
8thfrom16Place:
Texas Department of Public Safety – Babcock Road
Funniest Review: “I joined a line here a few months ago and I’m still here …”
Google Maps
9from16Place:
Texas Department of Public Safety – Leon Valley
Funniest Review: “I almost don’t want to write a review because I have a feeling that it will lure a lot of people to this heavenly place (but what kind of Yelper would I be?), Where during my visit: not long, frustrating lines, friendly People (not those crazy Stalin robots at other DPS locations that I unfortunately visited) who helped me find my right location, clean and empty toilets, moderate noise levels, aka no babies or children screaming that Run amok, a more comfortable atmosphere where you get quick and friendly service! “
Google Maps
10from16Place:
Texas Department of Public Safety – Carrollton
Funniest review: “You call my number. I get up. Sandra sniffs like crazy and STUPID picks her flowing body excrement on her clothes !!! It’s disgusting.”
Google Maps
11from16Place:
Texas Department of Public Safety – Garland
Funniest Review: “I waited 2 hours for my son to take his driving test. The woman who was supposed to give him the driving test said the taillight was not working. I had my car inspected recently and found it strange that she I would say so. My son said there was glare from the sun and it was hard to see the brake light but you could tell it was working. “
Google Maps
12thfrom16Place:
Texas Department of Public Safety – Irving
Funniest review: “Man at the front desk, to make me feel welcome in the state, NOT! He said all of this factually like I was an idiot. You, sir, have to stop being so grumpy gus!”
Google Maps
13from16Place:
Texas Department of Public Safety – The Colony
Funniest Review: “With my new Texas driver’s license in and out in less than 30 minutes. That. Just. Happened. And the woman who helped me was super nice! I’m like in an alternate DMV universe or something!” “
Google Maps
14thfrom16Place:
Public Safety Department – Pflugerville
Funniest Review: “The Pflugerville DPS ‘Mega-Center’ licensing office is so fast – it’s so fast that Vin Diesel left and didn’t even have time to get angry! – It’s so fast that Usain heard Bolt say in along the way driving away a Bugatti Veyron after changing his address in his driver’s license: ‘Man, THAT was fast!’ ”
Google Maps
fifteenfrom16Place:
Public Safety Department – N. Lamar Blvd.
Funniest Review: “It’s more fun to face the Eiffel Tower than coming here. My NJ license, where the lighting and my hair were perfect, was about to expire. Time to get a new license from the place too get who I’m calling home on … And I look like a cooked lobster alien in my new license. Spectacular. “
Google Maps
16from16Place:
Public Safety Department – P. IH-35
Funniest Review: “Huge information desk whose only purpose is to support a sign that says,” Don’t stand here to fill out forms. “
Google Maps
“Would you like to hang out with me while I renew my license with the DPS?” nobody said so far.
Texas residents share a like-minded hatred of Department of Public Safety entities. Still, like taxes, these government bastions are a necessary evil.
RELATED: Yelp Texas Prison Reviews, Detention Facilities
That doesn’t mean, of course, that you can’t make fun of them. Yelp reviewers have provided positive and negative criticisms of their local DPS offices.
See the funniest we’ve put together in the gallery above.
John-Henry is a digital producer for the Houston Chronicle.
